Chrysalis [ 01. The Beginning Proper ]

It was the beginning of my junior year when I moved to the university hostel. What I needed was an escape from home. I felt that my runaway father and overprotective mother too much to handle. It was a wonder in the first place that they allowed me to move out to live on my own.

I was at the door of my new room. I saw nobody at the corridor. I opened the door and looked in. The room was quite big for one-bedded room. I climbed a bed beside the window.

I was tired. Tired of studying. Third year materials of pharmacy course are simply too much.

I was also tired of living, I admit. I looked around my room. All my needs had been delivered beforehand. Just a few adjustments to make before I go on with life. New life? Not necessarily so; it was just a new place but the person is still me. So the living also remained just as I remained who I was.

I imagine the life is kind of a video: I had paused it for a while but now I had to resume. Sometimes I wonder why the video was played in the first place. And when the video has stopped playing...What will happen? What is its purpose?

My cellphone vibrated softly as a text message came. It was my mother; she wanted to ensure that I would go to church the following day. It was a bright Saturday afternoon, yet I felt so bleak.

I already checked up on the church. It was not far; in fact, they used one of the university's multi-purpose hall to conduct a service. Yes, Mom, don’t worry, I already found a church. My fingers played on my cellphone for a while.

I had no intention to go out for a walk. Not even out of my room to find out who the people next door were. That is just the way I am. I was just keeping myself to myself; is there anything wrong with that? At least it is better than some people who are over-friendly. Isn't it hard to keep the mask of friendliness? I can sense it - most people are getting friendly to others for their own ends. Since when having the President of the student body as a friend becomes a person's worth? Some others measure their worth by the number of people in their contact list. There are a lot of other motives of course - popularity, money, politics to mention a few. Rotten.

I did not realise that I was slipping away from reality to dreamland. There in my dream, the people are wearing masks to hide their ugly face. Some even have astronaut suit. I suppose their rottenness make their stench unbearable to that extent. Not funny. I know.

When I was awake, it was already midnight. I went to the public bath to wash up. Since the weather was cold, I only washed my hands and feet with hot water. Afterwards when I brushed my teeth, I realised that there is someone in one of the cubicles. I did not really notice because it was late and I was lethargic. I brushed my teeth a bit longer because I was a little curious about the person. A little like me this person seems to be. I guess he is kind of lonely too. Since when I finished brushing he had not come out, I gave up and went back to my room.

I then realised that I left my towel in the bathroom. I guessed the reason behind my absent-mindedness was that I was not used to the new place. So I went back again to the bathroom after arguing against my own laziness. I could not even remember where I put it. After searching for a while, it occurred to me that I even doubted whether I brought a towel in. So I went out my way. At the door, I remembered about the person from before. He was already gone. Perhaps if I had gone a little bit earlier, I could have met him and confirmed whether I left a towel in the bathroom. Oh well.

I woke up the next morning at 8. I went out to check the service time and its exact venue before having breakfast. It was at ten - there was a plenty of time. So I ate my breakfast. Real fast.

I am a fast eater. When one of my few friends point that out to me I think it was quite natural to me. At home, my mother had to leave early for work and came back late at night, so we never had our meal together. Mother was working hard even though father sent some money for our living expenses on a regular basis. Well never mind that. I finish my meal quick simply because there is no interruption. I've seen some people eating and chatting at the same time. I could not do that because there is no one to talk to; I was always eating alone. I chuckled, If I'm chatting to myself, then I will soon not eat alone because I will be admitted to a Mental Hospital. Not funny. Yeah I know.