Curtain Call

The familiar wooden curves, the sky-high ceiling.
The polished stage, the folds of the curtain.
The seemingly endless seats, empty but for One.

A play.
I am an actor. I am acting.
My lines, my gestures
My intonation, my mannerism
My speech, my moves
Since when-
The play has not stopped since
Day and night, week and month, year and lifetime
New ones join, tired others go to backstage
never to return

A play?
The stage infinitely vast
The settings too
Any space and time
Curtain call-
no one knows when
No rehearsals nor audience
Plot unfolds
the way we want
although occasionally He
raises hand in disapproval
Elsewhen- nothing
All is drowned
in overcrowded, riotous chorus

A play!
We are all acting
not as gods nor animals
all roles humans
although sometimes
we long for those

Shakespeare:
"Life is a play."

Forgive this little soliloquy
Now back to
the play of Life

Stream of Consciousness

Saw you perspiring. Are you alright? Is there something wrong? Heard a whisper but couldn't make out the word. Won't probe anymore. Keep silent. You look pale. You look like you have pain down in your heart, too. Are you alright? Are you? How do you solve this equation? Oh, I see. Thank you. Somehow your speech lighter, your countenance sadder. Don't understand why. Hm, I don't understand those equations on the board. A little bit hungry. Oh it's time for another lesson. Say, how much you grade her? Oh, mine a little bit lower. A few minutes before break. Ah, finally it's time. You stayed still. Somehow the nuances around you tell me, screaming 'Don't disturb me'. Go. Without you. Do you know why he's acting that way? What? What do you say? Really? Don't know he has that kind of problem. Laugh it off-- Keep contemplating. Hope you are alright. Thoughts filled, barely listens. Yeah, yeah. Finish eating. Buy you a drink, perhaps you'll cheer up a little. Go back to you. You look defensive. Push you the drink. No need! Pay me back? What for? That's what friends are for. Sit beside you. You stand up. Oh, I see. Yes, I will tell the teacher. Keep silent. Won't probe. If you feel like it, tell. If you don't - will hold my peace and wait. Time sure passes slow. What is she talking about? Don't understand. Another lesson. Keep to my text, because you look like you're going to bite. The day ends. Pack up. Leave. Won't see you for a day or two. Hope you manage.

Inevitable Goodbye

When that moment comes
I won't cry I won't weep
Although it hurts to be apart
from you
Although you are my precious:
Not being able to see you
to hear your voice
to be beside you
The glass of my heart
shatters in the sea of tears

Because we are never meant to be -
feelings condemned and despised
Why we met, at all?
Why it has to be with you
A strong bond not unlike blood forms

I don't know why
you can make my heart flutter
I don't know why
I am content in your presence
I don't know why
I think about you day and night
I don't know why
I look forward to see you
I don't know why
I'm attracted to you
I don't know why.
Do you feel the same?

My only hope
is that it is all a delusion
an un-eternal flame
a sweet dream -
if goodbye can wake me up
then wake me up
but I don't know
if I am a butterfly dreaming
or dreaming being a butterfly
So I can't tell
if I'm awake

When this thickening vessel
finally severs - it will be as if
my lifeline cut
So
before the connection complicates
before all my life pours into you
before my world revolves around you
before you discover my longing for you
Why not sever now
Or is it too late?

If our paths in future cross
Would the flame ignite,
would the dream come
once again
Would I have woken up
or still dreaming?

I will miss you
I love you
Though perhaps you will never know
how much
how deep
how strong
how painful
Me loving you is

Farewell
Now
and later

A Piece of Me

It was a night, not stormy
though rather drizzly.
There's a lot on my mind recently.
So I told you. This and that.
As usual, sarcasm and sharpness are
already my second and third languages. Infused.
Confession.
I did want provocation. Though a little bit more
was what I got. From you.
At first with guilt I was overwhelmed
Not the first time my words too sharp
New wounds create
I'm sorry if you are outraged
There must be a lot on your mind, too
I'm sorry if you are wounded
Though when the knife is pulled back
the wound will still remain
I'm sorry if you do not wish to see my face
for the rest of eternity
Our world is small, our paths will cross again it is bound
I'm sorry if you think I'm not
Perhaps that's the truth
I only tell the truth
with no sugar-coating
although with a little bit
Of hot spices
I only wish to tell you
that while I sharpen my knife
I blunt my senses
So when a matching sharpness comes
A wound it will create
A pain it won't inflict
So when tomorrow comes
I won't have to force it to
A smile, a nod
an acknowledgment of you
As if there wasn't anything wrong
Because there wasn't, really
So, will you?

Masochists

mas·och·ism /ˈmæsəˌkɪzəm, ˈmæz-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[mas-uh-kiz-uhm, maz-] –noun

1.	Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.

2.	gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

3.	the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.

4.	the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.

I believe that many of us are. No, no, not that kind. Not a psychology lecture on self-destructive tendency of humans either. It is just a mockery for my dear friends who like chilli and horror movies.
I believe what capsaicin molecules, substantially chilli, does is to bind to pain and 'hot' nerve receptors. And that horror flicks also causes some mental damage. The problem is that some certain people like to inflict these damages upon themselves.
Of course there are other self-inflicting activities like exercising. No, no, I'm not excusing my laziness to exercise. I agree that exercising is healthy. It is destructive because it accelerates oxidation rate. That means that more radicals are produced and the body ages faster. Well this is true, but the health resulted outweighs this price. Another one would be dangerous ventures like extreme sports. Again, the sense of adventure gained surpasses the dangers.
On the other hand, I don't see any outweighing results from chilli and horror flicks. Chilli first. Healthy? Nope. Sense of adventure? Where got? Makes your food more tasty? I'm sure... Horrors then. Thrill? Sure, but you got high blood pressure so you got more chance to get cardio-related diseases. That means higher chance dying from heart attack you know.
I won't venture too much and refer to my philosophy lecture about duality. If there is no 'bad', will there be good? If there is no hate there will be no love. If there are not two extremes but one, it won't be an extreme at all. Oops, I said it.
So you say there will be no pleasure without pain? Whatever. If there are no chilli-hating people, there won't be chilli loving people. Ha! Beat that!